Baillieu who does not drink alcohol at all, and declines the potential excitements of tea and coffee in favour of hot water in the style made infamous by former NSW Premier Bob Carr, has issued the no-grog fatwa to the Coalition and according to the nationâ€™s most-popular daily newspaper, the Herald Sun, has commanded that there be no artificial stimulation at the reception planned to celebrate the new Parliament.
This will make a dull gathering interminable, Parliamentary insiders have warned.
Hard-working Tory MPs tell VEXNEWS they were crest-fallen by the news, looking forward to meeting up with new colleagues and getting stuck into some hard-earned champagne.
Many fear it will be the first of many sharia-style edicts from the new Premier who wants to whip his parliamentary team into shape. VEXNEWS understands that he plans to meddle with the times alcohol is served in Spring Street and even the menus of whatâ€™s served up in the Parliamentary Dining Room to ensure the food is sufficiently healthy. The word â€œvegetarianâ€ has been whispered in the corridors of power, in a development likely to send a shudder through the agrarian beef-eaters in the Liberal Coalition-partner, the Nationals.
Some corpulent MPs also fear Baillieu plans on commanding Parliamentary aerobics in the expansive Parliamentary gardens so he can share the benefits of fighting fat and getting fit although we suspect that’s just some Christmas jest.
TEN GRAND SAVED TED RECKONS
The Victorian government spin unit â€“ thought to have been abolished by Baillieu promise â€“ worked hard over the weekend to minimise the embarrassment from this weird Ted booze crackdown story describing it to the Hun as Baillieuâ€™s â€œpitch to boost responsible drinkingâ€ and as part of a campaign treat the parliamentary â€œlocation with respectâ€. They also advised the paper that the booze-ban will save the taxpayers around $10,000 suggesting the MPs and their hangers-on know how to put it away.
We are told though that there are currently no plans to completely scrap the much-needed liquor-licence in the parliamentary precinct. Many MPs think this will come as a relief to the Victorian upper house leader and Health Minister David Davis who is known to enjoy a few relaxing wines in between late-night whines in the LegCo. However, several fear the the hours will be reduced, threatening the membersâ€™ bar and the pleasant outside balcony where MPs can smoke, have a few chardonnays and plot and scheme.
Itâ€™s all enough to remind us of the Yes Minister episode where the Minister visited a dry, despotic Arab regime where the cocktails were mocktails yet the enterprising embassy had a cunning plan to ensure their people could stay lubricated. Perhaps a similar scheme will be instituted by thirsty MPs.