FIFTH COLUMNIST: Little Alan Howe accuses boss of stunting his dwarfed career

Embittered Herald Sun fifth-columnist Alan Howe, routinely referred to by disgusted company insiders as “the Gnome” or “the Poison Dwarf,” was once a high-flyer in the News Corporation family.

Sadly for him, that’s not the case any more.

And despite the company showing Howe extraordinary loyalty, his bitterness leads him to sail into some very dark and treacherous waters, those who know him well have told the famed VEXNEWS Investigations Unit.

Amazingly, none of these psychiatrically concerning anxieties relate to his criminal past, where Alan Howe was found guilty by a Magistrate of offences under the Children and Young Persons Act, relating to child endangerment. Other than worry about the uncharitable impression of the crook that rival parents at the elite private school where his twins attend might have gained, Howe is thought to be relatively untroubled by his time as a criminal defendant.

As a result of an unprecedented outburst of anti-Howe loathing, VEXNEWS can now reveal ever more concerning and sordid secrets of the not-so-brilliant career of Alan Howe.

THE JAZZ ZINGER
Howe is believed to loudly disparage his boss, highly regarded HWT Managing Director Peter Blunden, in company where he probably shouldn’t. Discretion is not a strong suit for the back-stabber and VEXNEWS has learned from the gossipy confines of the jazz world that Howe can get quite bitter and twisted when talking about work, especially Blunden.

He accuses Blunden of undermining his once brilliant career when he was the editor of the Sunday Herald Sun and looked set for a high-flying corporate career ahead of being put out to pasture on high salary (some say at least $6000 per week, maybe more) and lavish expense account. We could all pray to be so cruelly undermined. But Howe was not and is not happy.

BITTER DISLOYAL LITTLE URCHIN
Howe was quick to jettison loyal deputy editors and others when the first wave of intervention came to rescue the paper from his indolence and cluelessness but was eventually realised to be the problem, himself. So he got boned. And he’s never really got over it.

Blunden and Howe were contemporaries and Howe has jealously regarded his advancement and success as a personal insult.

We understand Howe was extremely resentful about being ordered to make his columns “more contemporary” by editors who worry about him seriously weakening the product on Mondays. There are only so many times one can write about Normie Rowe and the Beatles.

His columns – appearing on Mondays – in the Herald Sun are seen by company insiders as “appalling” and pre-occupied with bizarre topics of esoteric personal interest to Howe himself. The extensive market research into the paper that has gone on recently identified that while the brilliant Andrew Bolt provokes great reaction, loving and loathing, the large amount of space dedicated to Howe prompts little reaction at all. It’s just lame. And like the author himself, they are small and ignorant.

We understand that he was extremely resentful about being ordered to make his columns “more contemporary” by editors who worry about him seriously weakening the product on Mondays. There are only so many times one can write about Normie Rowe and the Beatles. He is stuck in the 1980s when, despite his protestations to the contrary, icy Coke was his favourite beverage. He has sniffily denied it.

RHYMES WITH BITCH
Not satisfied with hating his one-time rivals, he has also singled out members of the Murdoch family for biting criticism. Some of that we have decided to self-censor as it might cause hurt feelings among those so viciously described. But in one case, former News Limited supremo Lachlan Murdoch has been relentlessly vilified by Howe, especially after he left the company to do his own thing. The reason is that Lachlan  – at a large meeting of News Limited big-wigs – was critical – to Howe’s face – of the Sunday Herald Sun generally under Howe’s then editorship and in particular its magazine, then assembled by Howe’s missus Carmel Egan. Lachlan thought the newspaper was weak and the magazine, in particular, was “crap.” Unlike Howe, whose moral compass is stored anally, we will refrain from attacking members of his family, especially at the moment, but many saw the nepotistic arrangement as not being good for the company. Interestingly, it was a cosy arrangement repeated under the disgracefully bad editorship of the unlamented Bruce Guthrie.

Anyway, Howe was blind with rage about the then heir-apparent’s insult and vowed to smite him in various poison-gnome kinds of ways. All that meant was Howe slagged Lachlan off, including repeating false rumours about him that we have decided not to air.

John Hartigan, the head of News Limited in Australia, is believed to be aware of this situation and is thought to be “no fan” of Howe. He is regarded as a “Melbourne indulgence”, a kind of “floating turd” who can’t as yet be flushed.

News Corporation is a great Australian story. But its internal politics are played hard, sometimes so hard that those with strong experience of politics marvel at its brutish ways.

Brutish and fiercely internally competitive is great. And the ethos has built a remarkable company of which the country should be rightly proud. But allowing the toxin of Alan Howe to remain in the company is regarded by most industry insiders as a highly curious and dangerous situation.

Many big-names have left the HWT building in recent years, so much journalistic talent lost to spin for train companies or just prematurely-retire. It’s a big talking point around the industry. A sad thing but no doubt just part of the normal cycle of events.

But somehow, despite all that culling, the building’s biggest oxygen thief Alan Howe remains.

Not for much longer, insiders say.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “FIFTH COLUMNIST: Little Alan Howe accuses boss of stunting his dwarfed career

  1. Lazarus

    The famed VEXNEWS Investigations Unit–the blind leading the bland…

  2. people for positive action

    Bolts far from brilliant, If provoking a reaction makes you brilliant that makes Osama brilliant for provoking people or mugabe for that matter, I dont see anything brilliant when thinking about bolt

  3. Anonymous

    He’s the most read columnist in the country.He must be doing something right.

  4. Anonymous

    Is that comment about Bolt or Howe????

  5. Giuseppe De Simone

    Another great effort Vexnews!

    However, I take issue with your comment that Howe is an oxygen thief. In truth, as his brilliant and widely read colleague would tell you, Howe is a consummate producer of plant food. While this may be the sum total of his productive capacity, it cannot be discounted.

    Everyone knows that Mother Gaia regards oxygen as a pollutant being the waste by-product of nature’s own industrial complexes -the detritus left over by the massive global photosynthesis processes she operates 24/7 world-wide – huge expanses of the planet have been turned over to this blot on the natural soil and rock.

    Humanity is the most efficient net producer of copious amounts of an odourless colourless gas that Mother Gaia needs to feed its industrial processes. We are Mother Gaia’s most reliable suppliers and the more of us, the more product we can supply to allow her to continue her planet transforming task. The more humans, the more Mother Gaia will “green” the planet.

    Please note: as Mother Gaia uses the colour green to warn everyone that there is a location of one of her innumerable industrial sites, this proves that Greens politicians are the real supporters of industrial pollution and globalisation on an awesome scale.

    “Greens” adulate the huge expanses of Mother Gaia’s heavy industry such as the Amazonian rainforest area and old growth temperate forests that belch out her pollution non-stop. However, some selfless humans constantly fight a battle to keep these expanses in check by clear felling the sites allowing the natural rock and soil to return freed of the machinery attached to the ground with its spider-web like cables and connections.

  6. I so would love to see Howey the Gnome chained to a tree and fed bark. Pls let it happen.

  7. Sorry Vex, I really should explain why Alan the Gnome should eat bark! (Quote) Alan Howe, executive editor of the Herald & Weekly Times, owned by News Ltd, publisher of The Daily Telegraph, made contact with the wildlife refuge the day Sam died offering to preserve her for all Australians.

    “After our state’s blackest day, the image of Sam’s fight for survival became emblematic of the fight Victoria had on its hands; she helped raise all our spirits, of course she had to be preserved,” Howe said yesterday.(unquote)
    http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/stuffed-sam-the-koala-will-be-a-fighter-forever/story-e6freuy9-1225818996708

    Alan Howe is a sneaky prick who failed to get any media published facts right about me, or my military career including an idea I had to try and make a SAM Chocolate to raise awareness of PTSD suffered by bush fire victims in Bendigo. Alan, matey, I reckon you deserve all you get from Vexnews.

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