SURRENDER MONKEY: Boneless wonder Alan Howe wants to wave white flag to terror

howeoffensive450The nation’s greatest newspaper, the Herald Sun, has a columnist/semi-retired editor that is really does let a good team down. One insider unkindly described him as a “flea on our anus.”

Alan Howe, is thought to be paid some six thousand dollars a week to pretend to be an executive editor of the Herald & Weekly Times. The truth of this sad case is that he’s an overpaid, underworked columnist and parasite on the fine news-gathering organisation. While Howe’s title is executive, we can reveal he has no real executive duties at all at the paper and that he has just been kept on as part of the loyalty the company shows long-serving folk who are unemployable elsewhere. Centrelink are no doubt grateful.

Some darkly whisper that his role as a strike-breaker and scab in various battles with militant unions in foreign lands many years ago might have earned him some gratitude.

The company even stood by Howe after he was found guilty by Magistrate Lisa Hannan in 2006 of the serious crime under the Children and Young Person’s Act of revealing the identity of a child in legal proceedings, potentially endangering the boy and subjecting him to ridicule. This incident is thought to have been one of many factors making him unemployable elsewhere in the industry.

Howe was not sentenced to jail but fines in the tens of thousands of dollars were ordered to be paid. An expensive legal appeal was unsuccessful, meaning the guilty criminal finding against Howe stands.

We don’t object to News Corporation sparing the taxpayer the burden of maintaining the former scab as a well-remunerated essentially-unemployed person.

But we do object to the content of his appalling columns.

Today Howe wrote a typically gutless surrender monkey column talking about how the public are never wrong and that they don’t want Australian (or Western) forces in Afghanistan.

Howe cites polls to that effect. Well, we can read a poll too. We’ve even scripted a few. And we’d love to see the response to the question “Should Australia be part of surrendering control of Afghanistan to the murderous, misogynist, terror-exporting Taliban?”


The consensus in favour of doing the right thing in Australia is usually pretty strong. Very few – even Greens supporters – want to surrender to Taliban evil. Consider how even the Greens party leadership loudly insisted that we “do something” about the humanitarian crisis in Libya. Standing by and doing nothing while evil runs unchecked is the wrong thing. And just as that applies in foreign policy, it applies in life too.

Because we like – in fact we really like – the Herald Sun, we’ve allowed monstrous outrages like Howe’s boneless opinions on this to continue unchecked. Those days of appeasement are now officially over.

For evil to triumph, it takes good people to do nothing. History teaches this self-evident truth but we also know it in our hearts.

Gossip in the HWT building is that Alan Howe’s bosses are increasingly of the view, VEXNEWS has learned, that they need to bone this angry, troubled psycho now. More power to their arm. Insiders say he is a divisive, expensive indulgence the company can ill-afford as it deals with the threats and opportunities that come from the web and the increasingly real prospects that Melbourne will be a one-newspaper town reasonably soon.

Howe’s weekly column is invariably vacuous and ill-considered. Perhaps the result of an hour’s thought and thirty minutes of drafting. We feel quite ashamed that our fondness for the News Corporation family has led us to pull our punches with Howe. Not now. The Howe Offensive has begun.

Scathing colleagues say Howe is a troubled little egomaniac, a name-dropper who is keen to have those on the executive floor conned that he has good political contacts.

In truth, his political connections are very limited. Few could dispute the reach of the VEXNEWS Investigations Unit, by contrast. We seldom hear Howe’s name mentioned around the traps other than when we heard from all and sundry in the PMO that Howe had “burned” his supposed chum Tim Mathieson (the PM’s partner) with a story that beat-up his innocent thoughts about their life together into a false yarn about an impending marriage proposal. Some mate. He apparently lulled him into a false sense of security by pledging loyalty to the Labor and Men’s Shed cause. No shame.

Howe has all the qualities of a dog except loyalty. In fact, I have two dogs – Ronnie and Nancy-Jane – who show more commitment to truth, protecting their own and an honest life lived in full than this vile little grub Alan Howe ever will.

Previously loyal chums of Howe include Molly Meldrum, Michael Gudinski and others who hang around the music scene. Those with a nose for such things insist that Alan really knew how to party and enjoyed a good slurp of the popular sugary beverage Coke and ice.

Whether all that partying played a vital role in the contempt for which he is held by colleagues is at this stage unconfirmed. A sugar rush can cause all sorts of calamity it seems.

But what we can confirm is that the Afghani terrorists’ little mate has a notorious reputation in the building for being unable to keep his company-provided motor vehicles in good order.

In one shocking incident, after a big night of partying where the beverage Coke was freely available, Howe managed to leave the hand-brake off his News Limited Ford Falcon when he parked it near his country dacha. Because he was staying in his mountain retreat, gravity played its role and the car was found in written-off state several hundred metres down the road, deep in mountain scrub. It’s frightening to think how many children’s lives were endangered by his recklessness and casual disregard for human life and company property.

There’ll be many more of these stories to come as the VEXNEWS Investigations Unit launches its regular series “Howe Offensive”. Tips, sightings and pics welcome to and 0415 99 33 26.



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13 responses to “SURRENDER MONKEY: Boneless wonder Alan Howe wants to wave white flag to terror

  1. Tea leaf

    Will Howe go the way of light-fingered [deleted]?

  2. Wendy

    I love it when you lot attack each other. So funny to see. And the reference to Molly and his favourite pleasure time activity, too funny for words.

    This is a scream – someone writes somethign you don’t like, so you brand them with a mental illness, substance abuse and a bad driving record.

    Let me guess, this bloke’s the only conservative to enjoy a particular cola?? Laugh, laugh laugh … like a dog licking its own sac ….

  3. Ben

    “Howe cites polls to that effect. Well, we can read a poll too. We’ve even scripted a few. And we’d love to see the response to the question ‘Should Australia be part of surrendering control of Afghanistan to the murderous, misogynist, terror-exporting Taliban?’”

    Exactly. Islamists are laughing at our made-for-the-media appeasement polls.

  4. Thomas Layton

    Where can I see this collum that Howe wrote?

  5. Adrian Jackson

    Thomas it was in the Melbourne Herald Sun; todays or yesterdays.

  6. Adrian Jackson

    No point reinforcing failure in Afghanistan (just like in South Vietnam over 35 years ago) and besides Bin Laden is dead and the Bali bombers are executed. End of story as far as Australia is concerned

  7. Howe's Zat

    Howe Now Brown Cow. Looking forward to the Howe Offensive mini-series directed by Academy Award winner Andrew Landeryou. About time a rocket was fired into the Southbank tower of dour.

  8. The Taliban offered to hand over OBL via back channels in 2000. The US went through formal channels and so protected their marfan syndrome suffering asset, who died a year later.

  9. Monty

    Yeah, but how do you really feel about Alan Howe?

  10. thankyou thankyou thankyou ! Alan Howe needed to be exposed for the double standards he applies.

  11. Giuseppe De Simone

    Dear Vexnews: Congratulations on this vintage piece of well researched and fearless opinion. I find Howe’s columns to be a waste of news print being poorly written vacuous drivel. Some of the members of the pacifist capitulationist left write well and argue forcefully in pushing the pro-appeasement line. At least their stuff is worth reading. I often need to think carefully about their arguments before finding the flaw in their logic. Howe’s stuff is so transparently trite that I wish it took up both sides of the page so I could rip it out and re-use the paper.

  12. A Turd At Least Will Flush

    Howe, the convicted criminal for his 2006 offence of endangering a child continues to be paid by Rupert Murdoch.

    Journalists – scum, pure scum.

  13. Ben

    “No point reinforcing failure in Afghanistan (just like in South Vietnam over 35 years ago)…”

    Adrian Jackson: So, just because campaigning journalists in flares transformed the great Tet Offensive into a failure through spin, we must appease today?

    We weren’t losing in Vietnam, period – the media was highlighting negatives (sometimes fabricated) and hiding the West’s victories. Professor Niall Ferguson convincingly argues we could have won.

    When we appeased Red Vietnam, her torture chambers reopened and thousands were forced to flee or executed. Have you ever asked: Why so many Vietnamese people arrived on our shores during the early communist era?

    I support Gillard on this one. Afghanistan is our bitch.

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