Daily Archives: April 19, 2011

BEWARE: Prediction spells doom for Royals

DARK and unholy magic has correctly predicted a rift in the Middleton clan, possibly threatening the Royal Wedding and the loves and hopes of billions of people across the globe.

Last week, a seer named “Marina” revealed on the Dark Astrology website her fears for the upcoming royal wedding.

Astrology, strongly linked to Satanism, witchcraft and ritual child sacrifice, is often used to predict the future of well-known and in the case of Our Will and Kate, well-loved public figures.

The mysterious Marina wrote on the site: “The Sun trine Pluto is favorable indicating the power of this couple, obviously they have a magnetically attractive quality. The Moon is tightly square the Lunar Nodes so relationships between families may be a cause of tension, especially among the women.”

Until today, only toothless crones cackling over steaming cauldrons understood this cryptic and probably terrifying message.

Now, thanks to the well-respected tabloid Daily Star, we understand it refers to angst amongst Our Kate’s little know relatives.

“Our Kate is too good for Wills says her Auntie!” the Daily Star headline cried out this morning, alerting the kingdom to this important news.

The distressing article over two pages outlines a number of Our Kate’s distant relatives, who may or may not have ever met the bride-to-be, lambasting the upcoming union.

“I think she’s too good for them,” her grandfather’s older sister, Alice Goldsmith, is reported to have said by a television news crew, churning up the country side for royal news.

“I don’t think she knows what she’s letting herself in for.”

Further disenchantment came from a 63-year-old second cousin, who said the royal couple looked fabulous on TV, but “she’s got such a busy life ahead of her with all her tours and being told what to do.”

And Anna, a hairdresser from Durham, apparently Our Kate’s third cousin, used the media opportunity to piss on her hairstyle, saying: “It’s nice but she needs to do something with it before the wedding. It looks a bit dull and I think she needs to put on a bit of weight.”

This undercurrent of displeasure from her lost relatives, especially the female ones, will no doubt shock Our Kate if she ever discovers who these people are.

VEXNEWS has held its King James Bible tightly to its bosom for many hours as it delved deeply into the dark world of astrology and has found this the strongest indication yet that the marriage of Our Will and Kate is in for shaky waters.

Does Our Will’s granny, The Queen, have similar reservations about next week’s wedding?

If Marina’s devastatingly accurate prediction is anything to go by, we say YES!

And we all know what happened the last time Betty Windsor took a disliking to her daughter-in-law? (HINT: Two words, Paris and kitchen scraper.)

But fans of Our Will and Kate can take comfort knowing there are still nine days before the Westminster nuptials, meaning many more days for equally-devastatingly-accurate fortune-tellers to predict better outcomes for our much-loved royal couple.

READ more of Marina’s shockingly accurate soothsaying here.

(Please note: VEXNEWS does not endorse or condone the killing of babies to please any dark lords or eternal masters of darkness.)

MORE UK NEWS HERE: www.davidsaunderson.com.au

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FRUITY CONTRABAND: Former MP couldn't give two figs to convicted sex offender Milton Orkopoulos

orkopoulosA former Parliamentary colleague and friend of convicted child sex offender and former NSW Minister Milton Orkopoulos has been recently banned for two years from visiting him in jail after attempting to “smuggle contraband” to him at prison, NSW sources tell VEXNEWS.

The poster-boy for the near-destruction of the Labor “brand” in NSW, Orkopoulos was sentenced in 2008 to fourteen years jail for a string of offences related to his use of under-age male prostitutes. A Victorian MP was also involved in a similar prostitution scandal although that led to the prosecution and jailing of a gay male prostitute for attempting to blackmail him.

The NSW ALP’s most embarrassing fiasco involving a then minister’s conviction for child sex offences relating  to a gay prostitute scandal continues to keep the rumour mill grinding with talk from Sydney that a former parliamentary colleague has been banned from visiting the former MP over a “contraband smuggling” saga.

The source says that one of Orkopoulos’s former parliamentary colleagues – who we’ve decided not to name at this stage – had been busted attempting to “smuggle” figs into prison for Orkopoulos recently. Yes, figs.

The loyal mate has previously raised funds for the convict’s legal defence and had been a regular visitor since his arrival in jail.

Orkopoulos has previously been incarcerated in Sydney’s Long Bay jail but is now thought to be at the Lithgow Correctional Centre in the Blue Mountains.

Figs are by no means the most exotic contraband found in NSW prisons, with drugs of all kinds frequently detected, in addition to mobile phones, alcohol, acrylic nails, FootyTAB tickets, passports, firecrackers and tobacco.

Many visitors receive indefinite bans as a results of these efforts with two years considered at the lighter end of the scale, according to those familiar with the matter.

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