Daily Archives: April 15, 2011

WHERE'S THE LOVE? Bunny boiler madness threatens Royal Wedding

Royal Bunny BoilerANARCHIST attacks on the Royal Wedding are the least of Our Will and Kate’s problems, an exclusive VEXNEWS investigation has revealed.

Police concerns about a repeat of last month’s London riot violence at the Royal Wedding has been overshadowed by the discovery of disturbing anti-Our Will and Kate memorabilia in London.

T-shirts, pillows and other troubling merchandise bemoaning the fairy tale nuptials were uncovered this week by a crack VEXNEWS investigator on his way home from probing several pubs surrounding the Leicester Square area of London’s West End.

The name or exact location of this Leicester Square business of shame cannot be named for security reasons – but VEXNEWS has exclusive photographic evidence of these shocking and thinly-veiled threats against the Royal Couple.

Some of the material says:

  • “I didn’t want to be a princess anyway”
  • “Wills asked me first but I said no”
  • “It should have been me!”
  • “Harry, just so you know, I’m available, in case you’re wondering!”

Royal watchers have expressed concern that the envy and raw jealousy behind the items could manifest themselves into a much larger and potentially deadly problem for the Realm.

“One minute they’re wearing a t-shirt bemoaning that ‘Will didn’t pick me’ – the next thing is they’re in wedding a dress at three o’clock in the morning, boiling a corgi over a stove at Buckingham Palace,” a leading amateur psychologist, with no formal training, has warned.

Further pundits believe any attack on the Royal Couple – real or even perceived – could lead to the destabilisation of the United Kingdom and the eventual overthrown of stability and the rule of law within Western Europe.

That the much-loved and respected Our Will’s pending marriage would break hearts is not surprising.

But for a store to provide an outlet to allow despondent women – and possibly some men – to express their outrage at the Royal Wedding is disappointing – and most likely seditious.

There has been no official word yet from the Home Office or the Royal Family on this grave issue.

READ MORE UK SPEWS AND VIEWS @ www.davidsaunderson.co.uk

TERRIFYING: Some of the seditious material that could push a crazed fan of Our Will over the edge.

TERRIFYING: Some of the seditious material that could push a crazed fan of Our Will over the edge.

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BESTIES FOREVER: Hulls and JB break bread together

Nostalgia was on the menu this week at our favourite Café Excello near Melbourne Parliament House as former Deputy Premier and current deputy Victorian Labor leader Rob Hulls caught up for a two-hour luncheon with his former boss and chum former Premier John Brumby.

Some thought this story not worthy of publication, we disagree and explain why.

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