BE AFRAID: As the nation enters the final week of the election, Monday Madness returns


Fans of the VEXNEWS predecessor site, the OC, will remember our most sensational tales were reserved for Monday mornings of madness. Because the election’s on and because we like the feeling of this story burning a hole through our pocket over the campaign’s final weekend countdown, you’ll have to wait til 9AM Monday for a story that would even make Iron Mama Christensen of Mackay shed a tear.

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55 Comments

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55 responses to “BE AFRAID: As the nation enters the final week of the election, Monday Madness returns

  1. Anon

    The suspence is killing me. Can we have a clue?

  2. Tony Smell

    OK here it is…I’m actually hetro

  3. Madam Lash

    you mean it will be even more sensational than the torpedo Latham’s going to drop on Sunday night..it must be big…can’t wait

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  5. You ephing tease, Andrew!

  6. Anonymous

    Timmy Holding is going to resign or get lost for good this time.

  7. John

    This better be good Andre

  8. Boofa Leigh

    Heres one for the boys. Those red lips are Joolia wispering sweet nothings in my ear. The shiney stuff on her teeth? I will leave that to your imagination. PS don’t tell the Wench!

  9. Anonymous

    the SDA walk from the ALP and join the DLP?

  10. Steve

    Let me guess… Julia Gillard and Mark Latham had an affair.

  11. BS Detector

    Not possible, Steve. Latham only shagged Liberal staffers. Lots of them.

    Even a randy tool like Latham wouldn’t want his johnson anywhere near the bad-attitude fuglies of Labor Left.

  12. The only thing I can think of is the abomination that Abbott and Gillard will be champing at the bit to sell uranium to India in the next term. (That’s monday madness!).

    Granted the debt situation calls for an increase in trade to balance the debt situation.

    Can’t see how $1.2billion of extra uranium dollars is really gonna make much of a difference, considering the net debt position Australia currently faces.

    It will be a convienient excuse though.

    Hopefully when Swan is P.M. he will reject selling uranium to a state whose region is unstable and can potentially be used as a proxy to sell nuclear material via places like pakistan and russia who can be used as a backdoor traders to get such material to the middle east to get nuclear material into the hands of places Iran which then points it at Israel or who ever else takes their crazy leaders fancy on any given day.

    If the Indian student from Melbourne who torched himself for media attention has taught us anything is that India cannot be trusted with uranium, regardless of how much they use for domestic power consumption.

  13. The only thing I can think of is the abomination that Abbott and Gillard will be champing at the bit to sell uranium to India in the next term. (That’s Monday madness!).
    Granted the debt situation calls for an increase in trade to balance the debt situation.
    Can’t see how $1.2billion of extra uranium dollars is really gonna make much of a difference, considering the scale of the net debt position.
    It will be a convenient excuse though.
    Hopefully when Swan is P.M. he will reject selling uranium to a state whose region is unstable and can potentially be used as a proxy to sell nuclear material via places like Pakistan and Russia who can be used as a back-door trader to get such material to the middle east. Hence getting nuclear material into the hands of places Iran which then points it at Israel or who ever else takes their crazy leaders fancy on any given day.
    If the Indian student from Melbourne who torched himself for media attention has taught us anything is that India cannot be trusted with uranium, regardless of how much they use for domestic power consumption.

  14. Rectinol - I can't see the packet from up here

    Let me guess. Brian Burke to be crucified for not being Jewish enough by carrying his own nails.

  15. Bi-Polar Bill

    Is it about me?

  16. Val from Vermont

    I reckon its a story about that distorter of truth, El Tudgey la Fudgey. Has he been traversing the electorate during the campaign?

  17. Duchess of Sturt

    Is this the thing about the bath house again? My beard says it is not true and is just a nasty rumour spread like the arse cheeks of a young man at mardi gras by the evil right wing.

  18. Julia Gillard and Joan Kirner are coming out of the closet.

  19. checkout chick

    well i heard it from my friends mother who’s a hairdresser, who does Michael Krogers nails that twiggy told him that Tonys going to stop the dole for all those bludgers under 30yrs old.

  20. Anonymous

    Colin Brooks WILL be Premier one day.

  21. Bophal Bikram

    So sorry to disappoint you Mr Baranby Assassin but Mr Russian Bear has some recently acquired uranium. anyway reading this please.
    http://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/moscow-moves-on-global-uranium-mines/story-e6frg8zx-1225877663366.
    there is no way we are giving the uranium to our neighbours, still fighting you see. As we say in India, “God bless Australia and all who sail in her” or is that “Sails to her”?

  22. Rectinol - I can't see the packet from up here

    I’ve got it, Julia Gillard is a Vulcan (not surprising given those ears) born on Shi’Kahr, Vulcan.

  23. Everybody Loves the Dog

    Is it that WA ALP Lefty John ‘the bearded clam’ Ford has just realised that being an idiot is like being high all the time.

  24. anon

    I know, I know Andrew is going to tell the REAL truth about Michael Williamson, Craig Thompson, Jeff Jackson and Kathy Jackson

  25. Blaggor

    This story of yours better be good Andrew. You’ve caught my interest and I’m feeling the suspense. It better not end up being another one of your infantile beat-ups.

  26. hababa

    Hopefully The Greens and their extreme policies might come under the spotlight given their possibility of controlling the Senate. What are we going to be in for?. Make a nice change from the personal trash.

  27. Party Hard

    Has The Quah re-entered politics?

  28. andy bult

    christine and berniece are in love again and the fire is burning from within

  29. I want my ado's paid out

    I know, I know Andrew is going to tell the REAL truth about Les Butler, Pauline Fegan, Steven Conroy and George Droutarse

  30. Far Side

    If Tony’s comment this morning on Insiders is correct – broadband will cost $5,000 per household – then he has found the election winning argument along the lines of this:

    Imagine your income and how much of that you pay in taxes – now imagine $5,000 of it is going to be used for an internet connection, which you might not even want. As PM, i have to provide for hospitals, aged care, defense, education and schools….imagine what it costs the government if your child needs an operation, or you needed to go to hospital…

    You get the idea…reckon $5K becomes real in peoples’ mind as a percentage of their income and the choice of internet…..or……..

  31. Richard The Metally

    Jon Ford wants his dick back from Sally Talbot?

  32. Syphologist - A Pox on Pollsters

    The NBN will be this decade’s Farce Rail. Ask any Victorian how much benefit has been derived from the billions that were spent on new rail infrastructure and you’ll get a blank stare, followed by a cynical laugh.

    There is no way that the typical internet user will receive anything like 1gb download speeds. There simply isn’t enough bandwidth in and out of Australia to get anywhere near that speed, and the cost to provide thicker pipes would mean increases in household internet charges of 100%-1000%.

    The major benefit of the coalition’s broadband policy is that it isn’t tied to a fixed network. Heard of iPhone? Mobile. Heard of iPad? Mobile. Hear of the declining trend in landline connections? Mobile. What’s the difference between NBN and Liberal? MOBILE!

    The future of connectivity is MOBILE, and NBN is completely the opposite. Wrong technology. Wrong timing. Poorly managed and controlled. Typical Labor.

  33. Bi-Polar Bill

    Is it some story leaked by that arse-clown Swan, about all the chicks I’ve screwed over the years?

    That bastard! Just because I’m going to rat-f*&k Julia after the election and take over as Opposition Leader – Swan wants the role for himslef.

  34. IT Dude

    Wireless is not and never will be a reliable network transmission medium full stop. I suppose it’s nice to have when you read your Facebook on the train to have Lattes with the mates in the city though.

    Fibre is the best technology out there for network connectivity right now and as far into the future as anyone involved in IT can see. I reckon it’s good for at least 50 years. One gigabit speeds are really just the beginning.

    Wireless will always be a good compliment to fibre when you’re on the go, and I’m sure the big telcos will over some competitive network solutions. But you’re dreaming if you think wireless is the correct approach to supply network connectivity to the home, it’s just not reliable enough.

  35. BS Detector

    @IT Dude.

    Libs don’t want 100% wireless, they want a mix of tecnologies. Sure, where there is strong market demand for such, like in cities, there will be near-universal fibre. It will also be economically viable for a range of private businesses to provide such.

    But in rural and regional areas, this does NOT hold true. Not only is fibre-to-the-node, supplemented with wireless, a better business model, it offers better service for likely uses.

    A farmer does NOT need fibre to his front door. When he’s out there, sitting in his ute or hisheader, working on the laptop, he needs high-speed wireless technology. And low population density will mean you won’t have the congestion problems that you would get in the city.

    In summary – the Liberals plan is a better fit for both city and country users. Labor’s is a massive, expensive white elephant.

  36. Miles

    Is the big news about me? Have you found me the safe seat that Alex Hork promised me?
    I’ll be loyal to you Andy if you can find me a safe seat. Alex Hork magic dust didn’t work…he’ll soon have to go back to stacking shelves rather than Liberal Party branches.

  37. IT Dude

    @BS Detector

    The Opposition want to go back to the status quo of Telstra ruling the roost that the Howard government provided. I don’t see that as much progress. Remember the NBN is a replacement to Telstra’s aging copper nextwork Australians rely upon. The copper network will eventually be switched off if NBN goes ahead.

    Sadly that poor old Farmer most likely won’t get fibre to his front door. He’d more likely get wireless or perhaps Satelitte under the NBN plan.

    Sounds to me like you’re not over the NBN plan as population centres need to get to a certain population threshold before they will qualify for FTTP. You can find out more information at http://www.nbnco.com.au/. I suggest you have a good read, it really is a great solution.

  38. RDR

    All I did was offer her a ‘ride’ on ‘Little’ Dick.

  39. Anonymous

    Is it about Julia’s first boyfriend. The one in jail????

  40. Syphologist - A Pox on Pollsters

    Hmmm. Sounds like IT Dude might be one of the McKinsey trough snouters snuffling around NBN.

    NBN = White Elephant.
    NBN = Consulting Bonanza.
    NBN = Rorts Galore.
    NBN = Australia’s Loss.

  41. Boofa Leigh

    Look me bringing out little Percy on Wednesday night’s was not meant to be put up in front of the public! Wenchy you been telling tales out of Council again?

  42. fiber plus

    Bring on the NBN cause my first hand experience of Libs answers to broadband is not pretty. The hotchpotch of technology rolled out under the HiBIS Scheme was like a herd of baby white elephants running amok in regional Australia. We got the world’s flakiest line-of sight wireless system that dropped out the minute a cloud enveloped the transmitter towers, all at the bargain price of $69 per month for 1Mbps. No backup support, the installers were Telstra moonlighters, and the co. got a big subsidy for each customer connected, so marketing was where the action was. It also connected to a 3rd party utility fiber backbone who were forever bouncing gateway servers and causing loss of service.

  43. steve

    Abbott hit on Gillard.
    Like that is big news.

  44. anon

    No way Abbott’s ‘patimes’ are like Pell’s and involve young choir boys.

  45. one more thing

    Mark Latham, certainly managed to do that. But before you write him off as a bully and an attention seeker, remember, Mr Latham has experienced an election campaign from the frontline. He knows the inner machinations. Maybe that’s why the major parties are so scared of him.

  46. IT Dude

    @Syphologist

    I hold a Bachelors in IT and am a Senior Analyst Programmer primarily using .NET 3.5/C#. I’ve been in the IT biz for over a decade. Obviously the NBN will be good for my profession, but I feel the NBN’s greatest benefits will be for distance education and health care.

    Who is McKinsey?

  47. Anonymous

    Vexnews Investigations unit????? I just Loooooooove this name Andy

  48. 69

    The Vexnews Invastgations unit!!!! :I love it

  49. Les 20something

    A close friend of Bob Brown has just been charged with rape. Media hasn’t cottoned on to it yet …..

  50. Luke Warm

    Sam Dastyari is being played by Rowan (Mr Bean) Atkinson.

    Tony Abbott is married to a man and he’s waaaay to close to his “daughters”.

    Julia Gillard’s one true love languishes in a prison cell.

    Mark Latham died 5 years ago and was replaced by a robot, ie “Hymie” from Get Smart.

  51. Luke Warm

    …or did Julia once take a load of Tony’s hot love lava…?

  52. believer

    can you believe that there are more comments in anticipation of 9.00am 16 August than most of your story, Andy? They better be great stories!!

  53. Syphologist - A Pox on Pollsters

    IT Dude, that’s less than a third of the time I’ve spent in the same industry, with companies ranging from vendors to major international consultancies, responsible for strategies and platforms from mainframes to PCs and everything in between.

    There is no “obvious” in the benefits of the NBN. In fact, given your profession, I’m surprised you haven’t seen the obvious flaw already – the speed of change in the industry, which will guarantee the NBN becomes an expensive white elephant when it is bypassed by networking technology developments. Do you think the government will spend billions every year upgrading the technology? Not a chance.

    Do you think distance education will be well served by NBN? Seen any maps delivering fibre to kids at remote cattle stations? No, didn’t think so. They’ll be on satellite, exactly as they are now.

    As for Health Care, you have far more faith in the ability of our Departments of Health to deliver leading-edge applications than I do. You’d be shocked if you saw the age of their applications and infrastructure, and the lack of vision in their management. But then again, that’s probably why the trough snouters are flogging this so hard – it will be the next huge revenue stream for “strategic” consultants!

    As for McKinsey, go to your favourite search engine and run the query “nbn mckinsey”. One has to wonder what an Auditor General might have to say on this subject.

  54. darren

    Tony Abbott has a gay lover?

  55. Paul

    Any one got details on Abbott’s sexual assault court case,adoption, affairs and getting chucked out of the seminary ?

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