PAST IT: Old man of misery Lawrence Money losing his disturbed mind

lawrencemoneylosingit If you’d been sleeping from Christmas Eve to now, it is possible you might have missed the sensational circumstances of the departure of the former state Industry minister Theo Theophanous. His resignation on Christmas Eve was huge news. Kind of hard to miss. If you did it was certainly impossible to miss the furore over his annointed successor Evan Thornley who rejected the offer in what will undoubtedly be quite scandalous circumstances when the whole truth emerges.

But The Age’s Lawrence Money, its geriatric grouch gossipologist whose contact book is so old some believe it is chiselled in stone, appears to have missed the whole Theophanous resignation bit. Wearied by time and fate, Money today writes:

JEEPERS, what sort of liquor cabinet do they have on Spring Street’s front bench? Parliamentary terrier Richard Dalla-Riva placed a question on notice in Parliament this week asking two-hatted minister Theo Theophanous what sort of cellar he kept at his Major Projects and Industry & Trade (sic): “date, value and items”. Theophanous told the Legislative Council he had no idea: to try to tote up the stocks “would place a large burden on the department’s time and resources. A detailed report would be too voluminous”. What are we talking here? Crates? Container loads?

Theo is sadly no longer on the front bench and is not a “two-hatted minister” as absent-minded Alzheimerish Dirty Larry declares. Seems Lawrence must have forgotten or dozed through summer in his leafy courtyard at the back of his Kensington property where horrified neighbours suggest he occasionally “nudes up.”

Indeed Theo had more hats/portfolios than two anyway as we recall, if you have to be pedantic. And we know oxygen thief Larry loves pedantry, it fills his otherwise empty column. He’s forever correcting typos in shopping catalogues or MP’s newsletters or what not. A poor man’s media watch. And of course, given how pedantic Larry can be about everyone else, it might be useful to share with him that RDR’s question on notice was most certainly not “placed in Parliament this week.” It would have have been asked months ago, there is of course usually a considerable lag between Questions on Notice being filed and their response being available for publication in Hansard.

One of the odd aspects of old age – we are advised – is that while you can easily recall useful stuff like how many goals John Coleman kicked in Round 8 in 1952, remembering where you parked the car gets harder and harder. (A Gloria Jeans $20 gift voucher to the first Essendon fan who remembers Coleman’s haul and let’s us know at editor(at)

Memory loss tragically seems to be plaguing the Age’s sinister old turd Lawrence Money who while forgetting significant events also showed his breathtaking ignorance this week when he rather foolishly took on Andrew Bolt at the Herald Sun about whether Anne Frank was referred to as Anna Frank in the Netherlands. Of course she is, but forgetful Lawrence insisted on calling it a mistake. Bolt – quite correctly – was having none of it, slam-dunking the ignorant and culturally insensitive old goat in the most splendid way:

I would indeed be a donkey had I mispronounced Anne Frank’s name, not only because she is perhaps the most famous victim of the Holocaust, but because she was from Holland, as were my parents, and she shared the first name of a beloved Dutch aunt of mine. But Money should have twigged, given my background, that I in fact pronounced Anne Frank’s name just as she would have pronounced it herself. And just as anyone from Holland pronounces it still. Should Money still doubt that “Anna” is indeed the correct pronunciation, may I suggest he watch the above video (in English) to hear how the late Otto Frank referred to his own daughter?  Or does Money think Frank a “donkey”, too?

Bolt is clearly at the peak of his powers these days. Sharp columns, a raucous blog of freedom that keeps conservative home fires burning with rigorous debate and an ability to make an argument certainly not exceeded by any actually elected conservative. We hope they take care of that someday. Do you have to be outside of Parliament to process the fact that Ted is not just Red he is also Dead. Bolt gets it, why doesn’t the Liberal party room?

By contrast, Money is on the way out in a newspaper living on borrowed time and borrowed funds. His blog – much more than his column – has offered us more insight into his politics, he’s surprisingly conservative in a curmudgeonly old man way. He wants to take his Zimmer frame to graffiti artists (fair enough) whose activities he describes as “piss”, refers to state Parliament House as the “Spring Street Soviet” and seems to harbour a deep hatred of pedophiles. No arguments there. But he also hates the Church and Catholics too as his vicious attacks on the Wren family in recent times have demonstrated.

It is true to say that his politically incorrect views are quite different from the prevailing wisdom at the Age, the one and true Spencer Street Soviet. He’s always been an odd fit at the stridently left-wing Age, rarely spends much time there, preferring the comfort of “working from home” while sucking in thousands of dollars a week.

Slowing down, he has slipped into pedantry for the most part leaving the reporting of most of the gossip in the gossip column to his partner in slime Suzanne Carbone. If he can get away with retiring while still being paid, then we should congratulate him for him being just the most recent example of a fraud on recently massively diluted Fairfax shareholders. But if you’re going to play pedant you’d better get the detail right. And as today’s example and his embarrassment after pinging Bolt demonstrate, he just doesn’t.

For a pedant to be losing his memory must surely be the cruellest fate of all. Couldn’t happen to a nastier piece of work.

With his crown so clearly slipping, there has been speculation that looming economy drives will probably run him down and leave sultry Suzy in place but doing the gig for the full five days, rather than her current cosy two/three day a week job for full-time pay.

Cocktail parties, cutting and pasting emails and checking the voicemail, it’s not really the most demanding job in journalism, but it is seemingly beyond the aging disgracefully Lawrence Money.

It would be wrong at this stage to break the tradition of reminding readers that Money is a criminal, as found by the Magistrates Court after he effectively pleaded guilty to two offences relating to child endangering when he caused the name a child who was the subject of Family Law proceedings to be published the Sunday Age several times. As a first-time criminal offender, Money was able to beg the court’s pardon and entered the criminal diversion programme helping to get back him among the  law abiding and keep him out of jail. As part of his criminal rehabilitation, he was required to pay a $10,000 fine, that was given to Ronald McDonald house at the suggestion of the family of his victim.



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5 responses to “PAST IT: Old man of misery Lawrence Money losing his disturbed mind

  1. noisy old bloke

    He makes a lot of noise around the house.

  2. Anonymous

    Vex. Wasn’t Lawrence Money found guilty of revealing the name of a child that had been suppressed by the Courts? A disgraceful act.

  3. lost it

    The poor old duffer

  4. Theo

    But I am still a Minister.

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