MASTER-STROKE: Noah Carroll slays foes in the name of Labor Unity

laborunitydotcom Labor Unity rising star and faction secretary Noah Carroll has in one swift, brutal move resolved any remaining conflict over the oddly much-prized brand name of their moderate faction. He incorporated Labor Unity as a legal entity.

The Australian’s Rick Wallace, well connected with the NUW led sub-group, was supplied copies of the incorporation documents by them in what observers see as an anguished cry from the wilderness.

The documents are not of course secret and can be easily obtained online.

A CUNNING PLAN TWO WEEKS TOO LATE
VEXNEWS understands that NUW group activists discovered the incorporation only when they were themselves were attempting to register an organisation with that name a few days ago and were yesterday attempting to register domain names for factional missives. Hopefully we can be spared the dubious delights of sub-factional websites. Is VEXNEWS not enough fun for all patriots? Please remember, we love all, serve all.

Some were concerned this morning that the attack via the NUW’s favoured organ was a sign they were no longer interested in pursuing the peace talks championed by their appointed negotiator, patriot Senator David Feeney.

THE BOO HOO FACTION
“Labor Unity was incorporated a couple of weeks ago on January 21, it’s hardly news. They’re just being delicate about being outmaneuvered. Again. Perhaps you should call them the Boo Hoo faction,” one aggressive sub-factional warrior opined this morning to VEXNEWS.

“They are perpetually two weeks behind everyone,” one operative explained.

“They fail to understand that purporting to sack Shorten blew up in their face. Many people drew the line at that. Can they be surprised that Labor Unity will take measures to protect itself from those who can’t flick the switch to conciliation. The only part of charm offensive they’re good at it is being offensive.”

“They’ve shot their foot clean off going after Newnham. Now they take aim with the other going after Carroll. When will these people learn?”

“A Macedonian style naming dispute is the last thing they should be embarking on. They need to stop being stuck on stupid. They say they want a deal but keep briefing the press.”

BUSH LAWYERS R US
Wallace’s story curiously cited “legal sources” as asserting that the act of incorporation would make it difficult to exclude prospective members from joining.

Those legal sources are incorrect, as many who tried and failed to obtain membership of the esteemed Royal Melbourne Yacht Squadron – an incorporated body – could testify.

One such rejected applicant – notorious businessman Solomon Lew with his fondness for pleasure cruisers staffed by hot Israeli “masseuses” who ensure all runs on the Bay have a happy ending – spent years huffing and puffing demanding membership for him and his boat.

Sadly the Squadron’s membership application process meant they could exclude whoever they wanted to exclude. It wasn’t on religious grounds, as much to Sol’s distress people of all faiths were welcome just not him. It was his worship of the corrupt money god that led the Committee to look unkindly upon his persistent applications. They only accept people of “good character” which represented a bit of a problem for the notorious Lew the Looter.

So  it is laughable to suggest incorporation creates “reverse Trojan horses”, although from what we hear the incorporation was meant purely defensively not as an instrument for anything other than “saving people from themselves”, a reference to the blood-thirsty approach taken by some of those associated with the NUW led by Tim Holding called “the Network”.

Will Labor Unity be exacting in its approach to membership as the RMYS? We very much doubt it.

We understand the incorporation move was calculated to prevent the NUW group – which its own activists say have a very small percentage of actual Labor Unity “Broad Group” members – from claiming they embody and exclusively own a group they had only recently been re-affiliated with.

WE RHYME WITH GRUNT?
Some players in this sub-factional war so that it isn’t fair for VEXNEWS to discuss these matters in our normally fair and balanced way, criticising and praising both sides when it is deserved. But if it’s not legitimate for us to make this commentary, leading one normally nice parliamentarian to describe us with a politically incorrect word that rhymes with ‘grunt’, is it legitimate for his own allies to brief a national newspaper solely for the purpose of whining?

Those and many other questions face those who looked like conquering the world before Christmas, jammed a victory flag of celebration at the top of the mountain they’d climbed and are now free-falling in an avalanche of despair and defeat.

VEXNEWS finds no pleasure in this. Those defeated include many fine patriots who are loyal friends, good sources and profess sound views that are an important part of keeping their party moderate, relevant and true to its supporters. But they’ll bristle at being called defeated. They’ll protest about being referred to as the NUW sub-group, Feeneyites, Somyurekians, SDA people or whatever. They are Labor Unity, they insist. Their opponents are splittists. From rampaging warriors with blood-dripping axes in 2008, they have been reinvented as the Sensitive New Age Guys of 2009. There’s an insult, slight or grievance around every corner, for some. They need to be build a bridge and get over it.

For those desperate for another way, we kindly offer our mediation services, although the SDA’s new friends at the CFMEU might be able to arrange Mick Gatto to step in if our more genteel approach is unsuccessful.

LET THERE BE PEACE ON EARTH AND LET IT BEGIN WITH ME
Jokes aside, on a positive note, it is very clear to us that even the once very aggressive combatants on both sides would prefer a peace deal above all else. What is straining both sides is not the what but the how. Should it include the NUW for example? Is Feeney willing to take a leadership role again of the kind he once endured? Will people die in a ditch to protect MP’s who are never going to be ministers or were once ministers and will not be drafted again? How will consensus work? 

But while Feeney talks peace, the NUW’s Thow and SDA’s Donovan hold once-secret talks with the crooks from the CFMEU.

While Shorten talks peace, there are some in his ranks who are getting their jollies contemplating which MP they might skewer and put on the coals at their nearest kebab shop.

If both sides really want reconciliation they’ll need to put last year out of their mind and take people at face value, however they construct a deal.

If they really want peace, they’ll have to fight for it. And sacrifice for it.

NB: In a previous article, we incorrectly designated Ben Hardman as an NUW person. That is not a correct characterisation of the MP, who even sub-factional foes regard as a very nice bloke. We have corrected the original article and apologise for any confusion.

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38 Comments

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38 responses to “MASTER-STROKE: Noah Carroll slays foes in the name of Labor Unity

  1. Nathan

    We now have Labor Unity and Labor Unity Inc… I remember something like this when I was at the National Union of Students years ago.

  2. Dennis

    I hear SDA has had a gutful of this. I smell some sidedeal soup cooking…

  3. Fed court

    We welcome a dispute between fractions…

  4. Timbo

    If rick Wallace was any further up kube’s arse he’d be a half digested lamb kebab

  5. Annon Annonski

    Ironically, the Vic ALP Right need only look at the Vic Libs to see the havoc that entrenched cycles of disproportionate bloodletting. The inevitable result is a cycle of revenge that nobody can trace the origins of.
    The beauty of the ALP factional system is supposed to be that after strategic spurts of brutality everyone ‘buries their own dead’ and abide by the armistice until the next round.
    The only conclusion to draw from recent events is that the key players on both sides have lost all perspective!!

  6. Annon Annonski

    Andy the reference to MP’s and kebab shops is masterful!!
    Were you thinking of the infamous G Seitz supplementing his parliamentary pension at Hakki’s turkish takeaway??

  7. Pitcher Partner

    Can the HSU please provide me with my fourth $5000 instalment for ‘services rendered’ into account:

    BSB: 063-000 ACC: 5000-5000-5000

  8. Astounded of Melbourne

    all they need to do is register labor united & they can start a soccer team – that’ll be how many members they have left when the dust settles

  9. Anonymous

    An incorporated association name does not lead to trademark protection. ie. The trademark name “Labor Unity” is not held by the association.

    Anyone can register the trademark name “Labor Unity” – I wonder if they have yet ???

  10. lawsuite

    Oh puh-lease, they bush lawyering is rather ridiculous.

    There can be little doubt the unregistered trademark belongs with the incorporated body.

    Try registering a trademark for the Melbourne Cricket Club fuckwits.

  11. Fatboy Feeney

    As the leader of the REAL Labor Unity, I will send out another LU email from my gmail account. Try stopping me Billy. Sue me if you dare.

  12. Anonymous

    The Australian’s Rick Wallace, well connected with the NUW led sub-group,

    likes his coffee’s with A Giles

  13. Anonymous

    Kirstie Marshall should be the leader of Labor Unity

  14. Jesus Christo

    Labor United, interesting concept Astounded. The next franchise in the A League no doubt. I can see King Billy insisting he fills the striker’s position, or he’ll spit the dummy and won’t play. The young up and coming Georgie D’s career derailed prematurely by a spate of off field indiscretions, and wee Johnny Brumby in goals conceding more goals than train cancellations at peak hour. Alas I do not believe that such a team will excite the punters, as it seems that the people of Victoria will be preferring Baseball.

  15. anon

    Noah is a hard working legend.
    NUW stands for National Union of Wankers!

  16. Hack Stacker

    Wow. Such a master strike. Why not register the name divided rump? I’m sure no one would want to be associated with that. But that’s exactly what we are. A lump of shit faction that has given the libs in Victoria a chance to win government at the next State election.

    When will you pups learn? The libs want us to implode. They are banking on us spilling blood and hacking each other to pieces so they can put in their Tory drones.

    Networkers- get over it, you got rolled trying to knock off a successful State Secretary.

    Shortenites- stop gloating. Your floating Jesus is half the reason the faction is in this mess. Pull your heads in and focus on the real game – sleighing the Greens/Red Ted threat.

  17. The man without an asterisk.

    So if the SDA, NUW, ETU, Metals and CFMEU did happen to get together they would need a name. As a goup of Industrial Unions we could call them the Industrial Groups or Groupers for short.

  18. Conrad

    we have registered CHSU

  19. Sleitz

    i have the bingo money

  20. Marlene

    and i have the nose

  21. Boooohan

    and im a councillor not an MP

  22. ROBIN SCOT

    Sleazi George Seits having BBQ 14 february begging for members of the labour party to vote for him incase of preselections.Good try.More BBQs to come for members From BingoKing George.Thare will be photographer thare RAY CONGRAVE cash in hend man.Everyone welcome

  23. anon

    who is the man without an asterisk?

  24. Jai Badu

    I am wondering if Martin Pakula will be able to use Victorian taxpayers money to payout his sexual harrassment of female staff like he had to use our unions money to pay me out. Charlie Donnelly and Antony Thow will do anything to look after their mates and use NUW members hard earned money to build luxury offices for themselves.
    Pakula has form. Not just with me. Just ask Paul Richardson. He will do it again.

  25. So the Commission finds that Newnham lied to the voters of Kororoit, but says it’s OK really because it doesn’t want to prosecute.

  26. Anonymous

    A vote for Les Twentyman is a vote for a fat corrupt greedy slug.

    Stating fact that it was also a vote for the Liberals is now proven not to have offended any Victorian law.

    Poor old Les, can’t wait for the c*nt to run in Footscray…

  27. Read the story and weep.. Newnham and FatBoy lied and got caught.

    What an honour to be found to have Misled voters you must be so proud.

  28. Anonymous

    Where does Twentyman get off? His sense of entitlement is as big as his fat ego.

  29. corrupt Twentyman

    Read the story and larf. Twentyman makes yet another accusation against anyone daring to oppose him. Authorities look at him and his sleazy unethical lawyer Dennis Backseat Galimberti and take no action.

    A vote for Les Twentyman is a vote for the Liberals.

    It’s also a vote for a miserable old fuck who won’t accept that people hate his hypocrisy, living in a millionaire’s mansion while pretending to be something else.

    Can’t wait for the Consumer Affairs investigation into the 20th Man Fund to proceed.

    Where does all the money go Les?

  30. truth

    a donation to Les Twentyman’s charity is a donation to Les Twentyman

  31. Larry the bush lawyer

    This is a major contribution to democracy within the alp and the LU faction. The rules about forming an incorporated association places the Carroll, Conroy and Shorten under some very tight legislated controls. It must be a first in Australia that a political faction makes itself subject to the articles of an incorporated association and subjects itself to challenge in the courts for non-compliance and mistreatment of its members.

    A sheer act of brilliance. A strike for internal party democracy.

    Requirements of the Association are as follows:

    2 The maintenance and
    inspection of the register of
    members.
    – this means the list is publicly available. Very interesting.

    c) grounds on which, or
    reasons for which, a
    position on the
    committee shall become
    vacant
    – under this provision it would have been illegal to use a petition to sack the old LU executive. so they have to spell out the exact means of sacking the Lu executive

    7 The sources from which the
    funds of the incorporated
    association are to be, or may
    be, derived.
    – interesting.

    14 The inspection by members
    of relevant documents of the
    association.
    – a welcome move.

    16 The procedure (if any) for
    disciplining members and
    the mechanism (if any) for
    appearances by members in
    respect of disciplinary action
    taken against them.
    – LU has never had the rules of natural justice before – enforceable by the courts. This is a definite improvement.

    17 The grievance procedures for
    settling disputes under the
    rules between the
    incorporated association and
    any of its members or
    between a member and any
    other member.
    – this is a very welcome improvement – and once again enforceable by the courts

    Each calendar year an
    incorporated association must:
    • hold an annual general
    meeting, within five months
    after the end of the
    association’s financial year
    • lodge an Annual Statement by
    Public Officer with the
    Registrar within one month
    after the annual general
    meeting.
    – this will be intersting reading.

    Ongoing obligations
    An incorporated association is
    also required to:
    • ensure that the registered
    name and number of the
    association appears in all its
    notices, advertisements
    publications and business
    documents
    • notify the Registrar of a
    change of its registered
    address
    • notify the Registrar if it
    becomes a trustee of a trust
    • notify the Registrar of any
    changes to its statement of
    purposes or rules
    • make a copy of its rules
    available for inspection by its
    members on request
    • notify the Registrar of a
    change of Public Officer or
    change of Public Officer’s address
    – compliance with the rules is going to be strictly governed by the law now. However, Noah is more than up to adhering to these rules and annual obliglations.

  32. Larry the bush lawyer

    A major difficulty with the legal identity set up by Noah is that now it is registered – it is very difficult to wind up the association – application is needed to the supreme court.

    See below

    Court Wind Up
    An application to the Supreme
    Court for the winding up must be
    made by the association, a member
    or creditor of the association, or the
    Registrar of Incorporated Associations.
    The Supreme Court may order an
    association to wind up if:
    • the association has passed a
    special resolution to be wound up
    by the court
    • the association suspends its
    operations for a year
    • the association is unable to pay
    its debts
    • the association has traded (except
    in accordance with section 51 of
    the Associations Incorporation
    Act 1981) or secured pecuniary
    profit for its members
    • the association has engaged in
    activities outside the scope of its
    statement of purpose, and/or
    • the court is of the opinion that it
    is just and equitable that the
    association should be wound up.
    Certificate of the
    Registrar to Wind Up
    The Registrar may issue a Certificate
    to wind up an incorporated
    association.
    Some of the reasons for this course
    of action may be that:
    • the number of members is
    reduced to less than five
    • the association is not in
    operation
    • the association has traded (except
    in accordance with section 51 of
    the Associations Incorporation Act
    1981), or
    • the association has not lodged
    Annual Statements for two years.
    The Registrar may appoint a
    liquidator to wind up the
    association and the costs associated
    with the winding up are payable
    from the assets of the association.

  33. Larry the bush lawyer

    Nothing less than a master stroke. a new era of democracy has emerged from the ashes of ruin in victorian Labor unity.

    Let it be inscribed in all the books to be written on politics in victoria that Noah Carroll was the man who ushered in this new era.

    a victory for democracy and natural justice to be enforced by the court system. Brillian

  34. Haha

    Yes but if the Labor Unity unincorporated keeps going separately from the presumably smaller incorporated and defensive one, no such issues arise Larry. Perhaps stick to your day job.

  35. Lo-Rocco

    Thanks for nothing Feeney and Somyurek, you’ve left me with no choice but to suck up to my friends in the SL, it’s so undignified.

  36. Bill Oliver

    Those who scratch my hairy back can expect similar treatment.

    Michael Donovan said he was interested.

  37. Larry the bush lawyer

    No “haha” – you just gotta admire the sheer brilliance here. I guarantee you no other person in labor unity would have thought up this brilliant idea of exposing a faction and all its operations to the full force of consumer protection law. its a first in australia and maybe the world. The originator has to be given full credit for this.

  38. Larry the bush lawyer

    And also note that he has prevented anyone in the future unscrambling this egg.

    Once incorporated its difficult to unincorporate.

    All future labor unity inc. executives will be bound to comply with the law, and if not they will be subject to challenge in the courts.

    In effect, the democratic changes brought in are perpetuate and cannot be removed. And to change any of the rules there are complicated procedure – once again testable in the courts.

    This is a break through for internal party democracy. A masterstroke. Nothing less

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