ABC broadcaster Jon Faine’s long roadtrip has concluded but not before shameful admissions of illegal dealings and immoral conduct have been made by the leftista and his son Jack.
Jack opens the batting with recent admissions of “spliff” chasing:
In Ashgabat, a city of hollow decadence built in the last 15 years, dad got quite ill and tired. So I left him in the homestay moaning and groaning and burping and slurping in his bed and walked out the door. I met a kid, Rex, who adopted me and promised to show me the Turkmen life. I shadowed him on a wild night that took us from cigarettes on street corners past KGB officers snooping about to roaming the empty streets then chasing down a spliff on the other side of town and skulling vodka and rapping in russian before the 11pm curfew and then heading home. But I spose the real details of the night will have to wait for the bookâ€¦
A spliff is understood to refer to a well-rolled marijuana joint, usually of impressive size, according to urbandictionary.com.
Marijuana is one of many narcotics notionally banned in Turkmenistan but believed to be peddled by very senior figures in its tyrannical government.
Earlier Faine reports showed the two Faine gents saying in a Mongolian brothel for an entire weekend:
Not by choice, we spent last weekend in a brothel. A real one, no half measures…The novelty of the locale soon wore off, although the girls were very friendlyâ€¦. well, not too friendly.
Indeed, it seems lazy UN personnel in Dili had prompted this strong interest in brothels in the developing world:
Dili is awash with UN personnel. No one we spoke to knows what they all do. The brothel owners would prefer we do not ask. Business is booming.
And drug-taking and brothel-frequenting was just the beginning of the Faines’ life of crime. They also confessed to bribing Indonesian border guards so they could smuggle their goods into the island nation:
The border cossing (sic) into Indonesia was uneventful, and showed no trace of recent conflict. Bored soldiers are the same all over the world. Offer a cigarette [neither of us smoke] and artfully leave the fullÂ packet on the counter and walk away.
The crime spree didn’t end there. When Jon met up with some fellow restless and neurotic baby boomers from Australia in Turkey, he even embarked on some massive music piracy to keep Jack in tunes:
We gave them Vegemite, theyÂ gave Jack 800 new songs for his ipod [but he still plays the same stufff anyway]. The barter economy.
The pirated music clearly wasn’t to Jack’s taste. It’s the thought that counts though. The House of VEXNEWS currently recommends White Lies, and we note if you don’t pay for it they’ll probably stop singing it.
The drugs and the whoring and wanton risk-taking seem to have taken their toll on the older Jon, with him suffering from multiple digestive system and anal ailments from Greece to Paris.
Meanwhile, the feisty young Faine is doing extremely well indeed, having escaped all the possible ailments one could catch in Dili and Mongolian cathouses and even having the strength – according to Papa Jon – to admit to “having a ball” in Paris and “polishing his francais”.
Not sure what polishing his francais means but certainly sounds like good clean fun. Good for him.