FORM FARCE: The Age disrespects punters and newsagents in latest gaffe

theageracing How much lower can The Age sink?

No sooner does The Age breathlessly trumpet that they have the best Form Guide of any daily newspaper, than they are forced to concede that they can’t actually afford to keep producing it.

Poor petals.  This poignant missive sent to us by a friendly newsagent this week tells a sorry-arsed tale of financial stricture that suggests either (a) Don Churchill, the klueless kiwi klown who runs the show has no actual idea how to run a newspaper or (b) things are even worse than we first thought.  Or both.

newsagentleak Here’s one insider’s translation of what this extraordinary memo (not actually signed by anyone with a name) actually means.

“The Age has produced a comprehensive form guide in paper for the duration of the Spring Carnival.” (We decided to copy the Herald Sun and try to produce a horsey form thingy, because that tabloid rabble has been doing it for years, and, well how hard can it be?).

“From Friday 14 November The Age Form will be produced as a separate tabloid Form Guide which is free with the purchase of The Age.” (Newsprint costs over a thousand bucks a ton, and we can’t afford all the paper it would take if we keep printing this form thingo in every copy of the Age, so we’ll print a couple of hundred for the handful of Age-reading types who may have visited a racetrack sometime in their lives, and if you want the wretched thing, you can collect it from your newsagent, because we’re not sullying our beautiful newspaper with it any more.)

“The new format allows the Age to better service specialised readers with a more consistent and comprehensive form Guide every Friday. ” (If we print it tabloid instead of broadsheet, it won’t send us broke, and, anyway, we’ve just realised that Fitzroy-dwelling, cafe-creeping sociologist types tend not to follow the nags with much enthusiasm, and the form guide was pissing them off.)

“Supply of the Age Form will not be 1:1, but should cater for reduced demand after the Spring Racing Carnival.” (God knows, if we printed 200,000 form guides, we’d be getting 199,000 back as unsold returns from newsagents.  All in all, this has just been a terrible, terrible mistake and we’re ever so glad that this horse racing thing is over for another year.  We’ll resume our previous, more edifying coverage of the Fringe Festival next week and try to forget about those beastly four legged running things.   The Horror.  The Horror.)

“Subscribers will be instructed to pick up The Age Form from their servicing newsagent should they require a copy.”  (If you’re interested in horse racing, you’re clearly not one of our people.  Switch your home delivery subscription to the Herald Sun immediately.)

“If you do not receive your allocation…please call the Customer Service Centre on 13 66 66.”  (We’d like you to tell us if we fu*k up, no really, we would.  True dinks.  But, erm, just so you know, we actually sacked about 14 people from the Customer Service Centre last week, so don’t expect us to answer in a real tearing hurry…..)



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10 responses to “FORM FARCE: The Age disrespects punters and newsagents in latest gaffe

  1. Right Said Fred

    No self respecting punter would use the Age form guide in the first place.

    Bring back the “Sporting Globe”

  2. Will Fowles

    Very disappointing by the Aged.

  3. the Age’s form guide is a ripper. there’s plenty of good editorial in there, too. and it’s sponsored by Sportsbet who’ve put plenty of dough in to subsidise it.
    problem is, the Fairfucks corporate ADD kicks in as usual, and no-one is able to hold it together long enough to make it work.
    Result? Yet another enthusiastic, but half-arsed attempt to win over readers ends in flaming failure.

  4. Anon Annonski

    It was actually bloody good while it lasted. The single biggest problem with The Age is that they don’t know who they are!
    Are they the voice of the 60 something Liberal moderate types, or the rose sipping saab driving types or whatever?
    You’ve got Michael Bachelard on staff and Ron Walker on the Board. It won’t work till they sought out who they want to be.

  5. Anonymous

    The Aged doesn’t cover the greyhounds or harness racing. They want money from TABCORP or the sports themselves before they’ll cover them.

    The Herald Sun form guide is much much better. Even their tips are better.

    Only fools use the Aged form guide. It’s even worse for its horsey tips than Paul Austin is for his political tips.

  6. Here is a classic Editorial from the Age… It demonstrates they have no idea what’s going on in the City.

    The direct election of Lord Mayor has turned the City into a five star Circus of clowns. Governance is no longer on the agenda, and the age indicates support for the system of direct election of Mayor.

    Melbourne’s “Premier Newspaper” has lost it and its editorials are being written by second rate Juniors or amateurs. The decline in quality is unfathomable.

    Since when has Fitzroy been a part of Melbourne. (LOL) Missing is South Yarra, South Bank, East Melbourne, West Melbourne, Parkville and Kensington.


    Melbourne City Council is responsible for the central business district, Docklands (which came under its aegis last year) and adjoining inner suburbs such as Carlton, North Melbourne and Fitzroy

  7. Tony Bourke

    Shelly can get her hand of my cox.

  8. Reds are better in bed

    Matt Stewart “No Australian horse will come in the first six in the Melbourne Cup”.

    Follow Stewart and you’ll need to access your super early just like poor old Keith “I know what’s best for the Caulfield Punters Club” Hiller.

  9. too right Reds. Stewart is a prize dill, and Hillier is his mentor. at least keith is a gentleman.
    Stewart announced after derby day: “The Europeans will give the Australian horses a flogging. in the Cup. Our horses won’t get within six lengths of theirs.”
    True horsemen like his co-panelist Deane Lester treat him with the barely-disguised contempt he deserves.

    And Anon Nov 15: you’re living in a timewarp, mate. the Friday Age form guide is miles better than the Hun. you obviously haven’t picked up the Age in the past 2 years.

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